I was just reading Paulo Coelho’s Eleven Minutes and I found it to be very vulgar and at the same time very beautiful.
Paulo Coelho is my mentor, my favourite writer and a very touching philosopher. His book gave me many of the answers I had been searching for. It is the story of a prostitute doing prostitution in a unknown country to collect money to fulfill her dreams and like I had said before, searching for love.
I always wondered why did the prostitutes become prostitutes, which were the emotions that drove them, why did they have the so called desperateness for money.
Why did they do it, knowing that later on the society will always consider them lewd and not accept them?
I got many of my answers and as for learning, I discovered… That I was no less than a prostitute.
Just as she sold her body for money, I had begun to sell my love for happiness, something which I wanted desperately. Sometimes my emotions drove me to such an extent that when my true self arrived, I felt more cheap than anything else would be in this world.
“Even when I write this now, I feel so guilty that that guilt can never be expressed in a few words. In this world so cruel, I begged for love from someone whom I loved. I learned that love is a free emotion, it flows in the air. It need not make its present felt to all but the day it enters someone just like the air, it spreads to every part of your body, every section of your soul, it flows in your veins and it pumps through your heart. It does not need words to describe itself and it is best felt in silence. It’s just like passion, a desire of believing in something unexpected. And here I was, begging for it so that I can live. I learned that I maybe I did not know what was love and how it was to be felt but I still am sure that I did love. I loved my life, my dreams, my passion, my hard work, my honesty, my world and…. Her. It is something which can never ever be denied by my soul.”
After she left me, my real prostitute came over, the professional one.
I stopped feeling and living. I started selling myself to life and became unnecessarily focused a lot to my work. I started loving professionalism. My whole day became the night of prostitution and my night became the days. Those were the times I would let my emotions go. What would have I done?
I needed to preserve my soul and have hope, so that it did not get lost in the sadness of my heart.
I know there are many like me out there, waiting for some miracle to happen. Hoping for something unexpected that would change their lives forever. For them I say, believe.
Believe. That’s enough.