Been a long time, I have been living without her. Have not seen her for quite a bit.
Hear from my friend, she studies at his tuition.
Heart stops beating, feel like seeing her. Cant stop myself. But,
Whats the use? She is no longer mine, and she does not want me to be hers.
Why these emotions then?
I know it would hurt me if I see her smiling, knowing I could not be the reason behind it. But, it would hurt me more if I don’t see her. I will have to go, I did go.
There are times in your life when you find someone for you, and maybe intentionally, they let you go. They feel as if they will find someone better or maybe they comprehend that (if they are modest enough) you will find someone better.
But its too late, you have already given your heart. But its no use, cause they wont understand this. If they would have, they would not have left you all alone in the first place. But they think they know better, that its good for “both of you” to go separate ways. And you.
You just smile one last time and accept their decision. Not cause you think the same, it is because you would never like to go against the wish of your ‘God‘.
Still, you go and see them, tell them that you survived. Tell them that you did love them because you came, when they did not even cared to have a look.
Yes, love can break hearts, but that heart is joined back. Maybe not joined with love, but joined back with so much of strength and will power; that it will not break again.
Yes, you are now weak, you have lost your reason to live but you have survived. Now, you are strong enough to fight this world, smart enough not to trust anyone with your heart again, lovable enough that some people will always care for you truly, determined enough to struggle for your materialistic dreams and hurt enough so that when world sees you, it sees that you silence silences.
And here I am back again, watching you from a distance. Close enough to see you physically, but far enough that you can hide what is in your heart.
You don’t care even if I am there, you have to go and you will go, like you always did.
I smile in my heart, yes so she is fine. Better than me and I am happy, I don’t know why.
Maybe that’s what I always wanted, your happiness. Wanted it so desperately that I let go of mine in front of my eyes.
That is love for me.
And now when I collect my broken pieces and look at you again, I see you going back to your own world, and I sit there quietly just to watch you disappear in the darkness…